Let's Hope He Got A Good One

A pay-off, I mean. Clive Goodman has been sacked by the the News of the World, while in prison, no less, for hacking into the phones of Royalty. Now, it is hard to defend what Clive did, but the reasons for it are obvious - under pressure to produce stories he did anything he could. It's a shame the stories were so mediocre, but there we are, and hardly worth losing your life over. But it says so much about the way that News International, particularly, operates. They will be able to sack him without compensation because he has been convicted of an offence - so perhaps he did not get a pay-off after all. Either way, this is hardly the way to reward a man who has worked for you for more than 15 years. Still, you're only ever as good as your last story.

Ding Dong Ming Mong!

Wonderful cock-up over the weekend. "We don't need PR to support you," the Minger tells Brown. Which is a bit unfortunate really, different as it is to what has been said before. Might as well just bend over, really, Ming, and join the other 50 per cent of your party who take it up the arse. Ming's merry men could not organise an Oaten in a public lavatory, could they? Particularly foolish as they look trying to deny it all today. Mind you, Ming is getting old and probably just forgot to mention it. But the point is that he has nailed himself to the Labour mast when there is a large part of his party who think that a) the Tories are likely to have the most MPs after the next election and b) the Lib Dems should join up with Cameron's "liberal" Conservatives and not grey Gordon's antediluvian army. Can we see a split coming, with the Orange Bookers and fellow travellers going with the Tories and the sandal-wearers heading to support Labour? That would be fun.

Lies, Damn Lies And The Sun Gagged.

Sun gagged? I did. It is true that crack open journalism and you will find a basic kernel of untruth but the Sun has outshone even itself this morning with a disingenuous pile of old crap written by its political editor. "Sun Gagged" screams the headline, about the injunction against the BBC's "cash for questions" story and the alleged killer email. Of course, the implication of the Sun story is that the Sun has that email and has been targetted by Lord Goldsmith, the AG himself, because of its fearless and highly professional journalism. Bollocks. The injunction applies to all publications and if the Sun has the email or would ever publish it am Recess Monkey's uncle and believe Margaret Thatcher is dead.

Let's All Make A Bomb

A stirring call to arms in the Times today from Danny Finkelstein, setting out the reasons why we should attack Iran, an action which seems to me eminently sensible if your definition of sensible is outright, stark-staring mad. I am sure many people will take it seriously, appearing as it does in the world's smallest paper of record owned by a porn-peddling Australo-American. Less perceptive readers, because it was mentioned nowhere in the article, may not, however, realise that Danny Finkelstein is Jewish. And could just have a particular bagel to bake.

Fucking Hell I Got Propositioned Tonight

By which I mean, there I was walking along Piccadilly, having come from the pub and thinking, blimey must get to Piccadilly Circus tube, when what looked like an Italian tourist young lady walked up and said, got a light. Yes, I say, because I had, and offered to light her cigarette, after she proffered it, for her. As I did so her hand went somewhere and mine, frankly, ever pragmatic, went to my wallet, to check it was still there. Very strange, and I thought, hey what is happening here? What was her plan? Well, clearly money. Do I look like a John? I bloody hope not. But what was on offer? Blow job in Green Park? Long tube journey home for soulless/ful sex on my sofa in my sad living space in sarf London? I mean, what was she thinking of? And she clearly by the end of the invitation was not Italian. Of course, I went my chaste way home. I thought, well, that sort of thing probably happened in the 18th century, but how fascinating that eastern Europeans seem to be re-animating our past. I have lived in London for 20 years and that has NEVER happened before. Welcome to the new world comrades. I said she could be my cleaner. What have we done?

Pass De Story On De Left Hand Side

So how come the "exclusive" story of David Cameron smoking weed - gasp! - at Eton was in every Sunday newspaper first edition bar two? As we know, it originated with those remarkable sleuths at the Independent on Sunday, James Hanning and Francis Elliott, who have pubished a book called Cameron: Something Or Other and clearly know how to use a newspaper library. It was then sold by their publishers to the Mail On Sunday, where Simon Walters, political editor, wrote yet another exclusive that someone had given him. But how then did it get into the News of the World, the Sunday Times, the Sunday Express (what?), the Observer and the Sunday Telegraph? Theories exist. Was it a Conservative anti-spin spin operation, on the basis that they aimed to defuse the "exclusive" nature of the story and make it simply ho-hum, which it was? Did the Mail on Sunday leak it so they would not have to pay as much for the story (that has been known to happen in newspapers, you know)? The only trouble with the Tory theory is the inclusion of the Observer, but then it is so counter-intuitive that it makes sense and the editor is a Tory anyway. Or was it a disgruntled hack who had fallen upon the story before and had it denied by the Tory machine then got wind it was around last weekend? We may never know. But it might be worth hanging around with the boys in Victoria to find out.....

The Daily Mail - A Warning From History

A piece in the Daily Mail by Geoffrey Levy, about the Baader-Meinhof/Red Army Faction terrorist Brigitte Mohnhaupt, who is about to be paroled, has the sub-headline "As a member of Baader-Meinhof, this owman murdered nine innocent people". Would anybody like to help me define "innocent"?

Pizza and Capitalism - Why Pizza Express Should Be Nationalised

When I was but a lad, Pizza Express pizzas used to be quite pleasant, really. In fact, and this may be a sign of complete provincialism and lack of sophistication of any sort, they were a bit of a treat. Then a few years ago, the restaurant pizzas seemed to get smaller and just a little bit crap. Now they are sold in supermarkets. I had one last night for my tea. It was disgusting, inedible, a disgrace. And do you know why? Because, as any student of business will be aware, the original, jazz-loving founder of Pizza Express, Peter Boizot, is long gone, and the chain is now owned by private equity. The scum of the earth. Give the people back their pizzas.

How The Veil Works

I find the wearing of the veil in this country by Muslim women offensive and mediaeval, but it does seem to work. I was standing next to a seated, veiled young woman on the tube today, with a rucksack on her lap, and all I could look at were her hands.