Give Winston the IVF Sign

Fuck Professor Winston, say I. As the papers are full today of "designer babies" and other such nonsense following on the Government's suggested changes to IVF rules, such as they are anyway, nowhere has it been exposed what a pathetic racket the whole thing is. Robert Winston, all round expert on everything, seems to be trying to reinvent himself as a TV star now he has worked out that IVF is no longer seen to be the panacea he told us all it was. In fact, it is a practice run by charlatans feeding off the desperate. The actual chance of an IVF baby runs at about one in five, and more like one in 20 for "older" would be parents, and as every gambler knows, that is one in 20 every roll of the dice. For what, £6000 a throw? Now this clown has used the pages of Associated Newspapers (The Standard and the Mail) to claim that chlamydia, the sexual scourge of our age (I mean one that does not kill you) has nothing to do with infertility. That's like saying the HIV virus has nothing to do with Aids - but he would not try to say that, would he. What an irresponsible twat.

Watch Your Bakri, Mohammed

However politic it may have been to get out of Britain, and acknowledging the existence of a Lebanese passport, were I a firebrand Muslim cleric accused of inciting violence I do not think I would have moved somewhere nearer the Israeli security services, who are often happy to do favours for their friends.

He's Behind You, John - Oh No He Isn't , Says Blair

How uncharacteristically immodest of David Blunkett to claim to be "helping out" in running the Government while Tone is away on his holidays. Strange, too, how this claim - made on BBC News 24, audience 3 viewers - happened to end up in the papers when it is well known that Blunkers never, ever, talks to them.

Who KIlled Cock Robin?

He was the cleverest man in British politics. I know, because he told me. Several times. RIP.

Dixon Of Paddington Green

Good old Jack "Evenin' all" Warner used to give wrongdoers a clip round the ear. Now you get a clip in the ear. And one round in the shoulder.

Isn't It Ironic? No, Actually

Peter Hain told the Today programme this morning that it was "ironic" that the IRA had pledged to give up violence when Britain was under renewed terrorist attack. That was either highly disingenuous or the tanned one has about as much idea of what ironic means as Alanis Morrisette. It is not ironic - the IRA has been out-terrored comprehensively by this new breed of lunatics and looks about as up-to-date as a ration-card and as parochial as a church hall. Although, as has been said, it did have the first suicide bomber in Europe - Edward "eejit" O'Brien, the English-born "Irishman" who blew himself up on a bus in 1996. But that (and who could make this up?) was a mistake. Then there is the American taste of terrorism on 9/11 which seemed to change minds about the "boys" over there - so, no, Peter, it is not ironic.