My Wife Does Not Understand Me - Or Indeed English

The New Roman Empire has actually given the East a delicious revenge on you lot in the West. After the accession of nations from behind the old Iron Curtain (as I believe you called it - we preferred the Great Defensive Wall Against Capitalism) into the EU, there is now a huge influx of our people into your countries. Particularly young women. Particularly good-looking young women. And with the brain of every British woman under the age of around 37 fried by years of drug abuse, particularly the cursed E, they are atttracting a lot of interest. Which will inevitably lead to a big injection of Slavic genes into the British population. Gotcha!

What A Load of Shite - Andrew Neil Exclusive

Sorry, I have just had a very boring evening watching Question Time and then some fucking shit presented by Andrew Neil and I accept I should get out more. Any offers at all...oh well then. Anyway, first off, how can the BBC, possibly, possibly broadcast that patronising rubbish by that cunt Dimbleby, from Skegness, no less. He looked like he had been hit in the face by a wet fish, which it would have good if he had been. Let's not go into the panel - though I am sure Alan "Dinky" Duncan would love it - but let us look at the host. Patronising, as I said, and he is some cunt who paid journalists on his family-owned local paper in south west London - hardly a cheap place to live - not many thousands of pounds a year, probably less that he gets per night for patronising sad, hairy-eared blokes in jumpers, and also charged said journalists for their notebooks. By hairy-eared, I do not, of course mean Ming Mingy Menzies Campbell who was on. Sorry to use the word c++t again but i cannot think of another one.

And then, we had Andrew Neil, fat, balding, Pamella Bordes going out with sad man, with the Laurel and Hardy de nos jours of Diane Abbott and Michael Portiyo on the ever-smaller sofa. Why don't they just do it on screen? What was that you said? Sorry, didn't catch it. Yeah, unlikely, I admit. And they were both wearing pink shirts. Then Rod Liddle , best editor of the Today programme there has ever been or will be, doing a gurning turn on something or other and do you know what, if I was him, I would go home to Surrey and shoot myself........Unless his girlfriend was awake.

Tony Banks

Wasn't a cheeky chappie. He was a class-traitor, useless, womanising cunt.