Let's All Make A Bomb

A stirring call to arms in the Times today from Danny Finkelstein, setting out the reasons why we should attack Iran, an action which seems to me eminently sensible if your definition of sensible is outright, stark-staring mad. I am sure many people will take it seriously, appearing as it does in the world's smallest paper of record owned by a porn-peddling Australo-American. Less perceptive readers, because it was mentioned nowhere in the article, may not, however, realise that Danny Finkelstein is Jewish. And could just have a particular bagel to bake.

Fucking Hell I Got Propositioned Tonight

By which I mean, there I was walking along Piccadilly, having come from the pub and thinking, blimey must get to Piccadilly Circus tube, when what looked like an Italian tourist young lady walked up and said, got a light. Yes, I say, because I had, and offered to light her cigarette, after she proffered it, for her. As I did so her hand went somewhere and mine, frankly, ever pragmatic, went to my wallet, to check it was still there. Very strange, and I thought, hey what is happening here? What was her plan? Well, clearly money. Do I look like a John? I bloody hope not. But what was on offer? Blow job in Green Park? Long tube journey home for soulless/ful sex on my sofa in my sad living space in sarf London? I mean, what was she thinking of? And she clearly by the end of the invitation was not Italian. Of course, I went my chaste way home. I thought, well, that sort of thing probably happened in the 18th century, but how fascinating that eastern Europeans seem to be re-animating our past. I have lived in London for 20 years and that has NEVER happened before. Welcome to the new world comrades. I said she could be my cleaner. What have we done?

Pass De Story On De Left Hand Side

So how come the "exclusive" story of David Cameron smoking weed - gasp! - at Eton was in every Sunday newspaper first edition bar two? As we know, it originated with those remarkable sleuths at the Independent on Sunday, James Hanning and Francis Elliott, who have pubished a book called Cameron: Something Or Other and clearly know how to use a newspaper library. It was then sold by their publishers to the Mail On Sunday, where Simon Walters, political editor, wrote yet another exclusive that someone had given him. But how then did it get into the News of the World, the Sunday Times, the Sunday Express (what?), the Observer and the Sunday Telegraph? Theories exist. Was it a Conservative anti-spin spin operation, on the basis that they aimed to defuse the "exclusive" nature of the story and make it simply ho-hum, which it was? Did the Mail on Sunday leak it so they would not have to pay as much for the story (that has been known to happen in newspapers, you know)? The only trouble with the Tory theory is the inclusion of the Observer, but then it is so counter-intuitive that it makes sense and the editor is a Tory anyway. Or was it a disgruntled hack who had fallen upon the story before and had it denied by the Tory machine then got wind it was around last weekend? We may never know. But it might be worth hanging around with the boys in Victoria to find out.....

The Daily Mail - A Warning From History

A piece in the Daily Mail by Geoffrey Levy, about the Baader-Meinhof/Red Army Faction terrorist Brigitte Mohnhaupt, who is about to be paroled, has the sub-headline "As a member of Baader-Meinhof, this owman murdered nine innocent people". Would anybody like to help me define "innocent"?

Pizza and Capitalism - Why Pizza Express Should Be Nationalised

When I was but a lad, Pizza Express pizzas used to be quite pleasant, really. In fact, and this may be a sign of complete provincialism and lack of sophistication of any sort, they were a bit of a treat. Then a few years ago, the restaurant pizzas seemed to get smaller and just a little bit crap. Now they are sold in supermarkets. I had one last night for my tea. It was disgusting, inedible, a disgrace. And do you know why? Because, as any student of business will be aware, the original, jazz-loving founder of Pizza Express, Peter Boizot, is long gone, and the chain is now owned by private equity. The scum of the earth. Give the people back their pizzas.