Thursday, September 01, 2005

The World's Worst Newspaper Columnist

Has got to be Mary Ann Sieghart of the truly appalling Times, which is fast resembling one of those glossy magazines pushed through letterboxes in the posher parts of London. The ones full of ads for upmarket shops and articles by middle-class women who refer to Daughter Number One and Himself. I'm sure you know the sort of bourgeois crap I mean.
Anyway, Mary Ann - known as Mary Ann Pointless by her News International colleagues in what must be a rare outbreak of accuracy in E1 - has excelled herself today in the Times's T2 section.
In fact her column is a masterclass in self-referential bollocks the like of which, truly, rarely does manifest itself on earth.
Not only does the column - ostensibly about sport, about which the World's Worst admits she knows nothing, which is the point of the column (still with me?) - repeatedly mention the man who sits next to her in the office, it then mentions a blog which she has plundered for opinions.
"My friendship with my colleague and office neighbour, Danny Finkelstein, has survived many a political argument, lots of dodgy canteen lunches, and even the nicking of each other's last Diet Coke..." twitters Miss P as the first paragraph of this spectacular work is launched into the world, as though anybody desperately gave a flying fuck, before going on to mention Harry's Place and a post about fair-weather cricket fans.
Note also that reference to political argument - I'm a Blairite, me, she's saying, hoping Keith Rupert Murdoch will notice, for Danny Finkelstein is a Tory, and New Labour, although out of fashion elsewhere, is still the religion of choice at Wapping, dominated as the place is by an American multi-billionaire who is rarely in the UK and relies for his information on people who tell him what they think he wants to hear, like Mary Ann.
So, Mary Ann - lazy, arrogant, desperately stupid and, er, pointless. No wonder newspapers, in the long term, are finished. As Mary Ann should be.

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